The Naked Truth

3 truths for (soon to be) 3 years living abroad:

    1. The longer you live in China, the better your Chinese gets.

    2. The longer you live in China, the more adventures you have.

    3. The longer you live in China, the less you care about getting naked.

For today, let’s focus on the last point…nudity.

Since high school I’ve never been entirely comfortable with my body. We can partly blame puberty, dragging its feet for what felt like 4 years of my adolescence, but let’s just say like most females, I have the occasional bout with body issues. Cue China.

China, like many Asian countries, has a different policy when it comes to some aspects of modesty. You’ve probably heard of the popularity of bathhouses, spas, and of course massage parlors in the Middle Country. It’s quite a cultural experience to visit such a place here, and if you have a problem with your naked body or other naked bodies (no worries, at least you’ll be surrounded by your own gender while in the throes of indecency), then visiting a bathhouse or spa could either be therapeutic in overcoming this issue or will induce a panic attack.

Baby steps, shall we? How might we gain the momentum and strength to reach this mountain of immodest confidence? Let’s just say there are about 3 steps one can take to work their way up to gaining the courage to walk around a public bathhouse “al naturale.” 

Step 1: Undress in front of your Private Masseuse.  

This is a lower stress environment because of the emphasis on “private” (note: this double entendre was an accident, but let’s just roll with it). You’re got giving a herd of Asian ladies a show, you’re merely undressing for 1-2 clinical professionals. I’m becoming quite the expert in undressing in front of tiny Asian ladies within the confines of a small room. The key? Whenever I visit a massage parlor I do my best not to consider that these women have seen better looking individuals who are more in shape and visually pleasing as female specimens. Why bother?

Instead, for the first 5 minutes of my massage I focus on the positive: these ladies have most certainly seen worse for wear bodies than my own. I’m not elderly, I have no special deformities or “circus freak-esque” qualities that I know of, and I don’t possess a “werewolf” gene (note: if you possess one or all of these qualities, more power to you). So, life could always be worse.

Ok, so step 1, undressing in front of professional spa workers…piece of cake, yes? Ok, well it might take some practice if you’re a bit shy with the “goods,” like myself, but given enough time you’ll get to a point where you’re more focused on getting the massage rather than the mere moments of pre-massage prep.

Step 2: The Buddy System

The next step on your way to scantily-clad success would be to bring a friend or two on your massage visit and reveal your “secrets” to each other...aka, share a room and massage experience as you are forced to disrobe together in the name of relaxation. Depending on how close you are with your massage buddies this doesn’t have to be that uncomfortable or awkward for anyone involved. However, you might want to gain a bit of understanding and tolerance for your own figure before you are confronted by the “figures” of your friends. It helps everyone…trust me.

I have a friend from work who is in her late forties (and of course is Asian and gorgeous and looks like she’s in her early thirties) who enjoys taking me to a fancy massage parlor. This is always a treat for me (aka, I adore this friend and I get a free massage while having a friend date with her) which helps ease the awkwardness out of the nudity factor for me. We take the time on our respective tables to nap, talk, and laugh. She’s not uncomfortable, so why should I feel weird?

Finding a friend like mine is quite vital to step 2. If you have an awkward friend who doesn’t like their body, happiness, or being touched by a stranger in exchange for money…maybe you should consider bringing someone else.

Step 3: Bare it All

Once you’ve mastered step 2, it’s time to take the naked plunge into a public spa/bath situation and strut your naked stuff from hot spring to shower to massage area. Sure, you might be robed for portions of that time, but I guarantee that there will be moments of nakedness you hadn’t accounted for (hence the need to complete steps 1-2 in preparation for these moments). 

Seriously, unless you are 89.3-100% proud of your nakedness, these steps will help you out.

Now, I have yet to journey to a public spa/bathhouse myself, but it is on my list of things to do. Location (specifically, proximity to my apartment) and confidence have kept me from actively seeking out such a luxury at this time. However, I am on step 2 of my fool-proof program, and the “naked truth” (yeah…I’m that lame) is that I probably will visit such an establishment if I am to continue my residency in Asia.

When the day of the public bath/spa arrives, I’m sure I will feel a bit awkward. But, for now, practice makes perfect, and if this means I have to keep receiving wonderfully given massages so that one day I can visit the spa in its nude glory, then so be it. 

It’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make, one massage at a time.