White Chick in Waiting

Man, can you believe it's been this long?
That's totally unacceptable! How could I have slacked so much on such a simple thing: typing a blog? It's quite a ridiculous thing to drop the proverbial "ball" on. So, before continuing on, I shall ask for your forgiveness in a humble manner and then continue on, hoping for the best. Here goes.

*Insert humble apology accompanied with regretful facial expression*
(Note: the "regretful facial expression" is not to mean that I regret my metaphorical facial display choice, but instead it refers to the overall tone appearing on my face...one of regret.)

This past semester has been super busy, and it probably was the toughest moment thus far presented in my young life. Yes, I am recognizing that I am young. I'm not saying that I won't have more and bigger obstacles and "life problems" as I advance in years...but I really hope not.

Let's start with the simple stuff: teaching! Not much stress with school, fortunately for me. The biggest thing I had going for me academically was the senior graduation in early June. I didn't actually volunteer for this. It was one of those "volun-told" situations.

The funny thing is, if you demonstrate once or twice that you are capable of doing something successfully (and "successful" here is a flexible definition which could indicate anything from "the party of the century" to "well, nobody died") and/or you choose to birth "creative" ideas at a staff meeting, you become the "Event Queen." (Yes, that's the actual title, regardless of gender. Who doesn't want to be the Queen?) I actually have no qualms regarding this breed of responsibility. In fact, I was quite flattered that my coworkers would trust and honor me with planning another school event. Plus, I had tons of help. At the event itself, I did minimal prep, and I'm happy to say the event was a success. (One I could not have done in the slightest if it wasn't for the hard-working men and women I teach alongside.)

Basically, this was the one thing I had control of last semester...

My personal life was...well...kind of complicated. Ok, it was a mess, really. I went from dating to engaged, from engaged to dating, and from dating to single within a few short months. It was pretty rough 6 weeks. This past relationship was my first official relationship of this kind. Ever. Yes, that fact could attest to the fact that I am a mere babe in a world of working adults. I, however, (without denying aforementioned fact) would like to view it as a testament to the fact that I taking dating seriously and don't have time to mess around, "play the field," and date for fun.

I wouldn't trade my time with Stan for a life of singleness til this point. I learned so much while dating him. Even our ending, which wasn't terribly happy, was beneficial. To be honest, I wasn't putting God first in my relationship. If I did, I probably would have made some different choices throughout which would have protected my heart. But, doesn't that make grace that much more beautiful? At a time where I needed someone to save me, to pick up the pieces, to comfort me, I had the ultimate assurance. Not to say I deserved this grace in the least. I wasn't making Him number one, yet He never moved away from me. It was I that moved. So, like any hurting child, I went running back to the arms of my Father.

In the early stages of our relationship breaking down I started fervently berating God's ears with selfish prayers. If He would allow this or that, then I would trust Him. Gradually, over those 6 weeks I began to relinquish more and more of my own desires to what He was allowing to happen. To what He was preparing my heart for. Something which I tried to fight to no avail. Those 6 weeks broke me down to the selfish, weak, and sinful person that I am at my Earthly core. Looking back, I'm embarrassed at how stubborn I was when God was leading me to different steps, which ultimately ended up with Stan and I breaking up. I dragged my feet nearly the entire way. Like a child.

I am so grateful to God for carrying me, and He had to carry me. I didn't have the strength some days to teach, but He got me through it. Many people at our school still don't know that we aren't getting married (one of the set backs of having a super romantic proposal at a staff meeting...everyone knows, but it's not as simple to reverse the message). Even fewer know that we are no longer dating. That will make the first month or so of school a bit awkward. Most of my kids left me end of the year notes congratulating me on my upcoming nuptials, and a surprising amount left me notes commenting on the future "cuteness" of my "mixed babies." Not gonna lie, those imaginary babies would have been adorable.

So, I went home this summer for only 3 short weeks. In hindsight, those weeks were not nearly long enough for me to really enjoy my time being home. However, I did have some fun. Spent time with family, briefly (still sorry about that) spent time with friens, and even got a tattoo. I mean, it's not quite as lifechanging as I was expecting this summer to be, but I'm happy with it.

Hopefully I haven't shared too much. That wasn't my intention in the slightest. I guess for me this was just an opportunity to explain:
     a. I'm sorry I've been away from the ol' keyboard (not literally...just in the blogging sphere)
     b. It's been rough, but God is good (I know...duh. But, when was the last time you were really reminded of this?)
     c. I will be writing more!

Yes, that's right my readers (all 6 of you...). I am making this pledge to you now: "I, Sarrah will be blogging about my China-ventures and teaching life on a regular basis starting now!" My goal will be one post a week. If adventures happen, maybe more. Stay tuned readers! Have patience. I will return. And, I might even have pictures. The possibilities are endless.